ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
