There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
