New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
