I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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