Only a mothe r could love this liver
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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