New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize