I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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