Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
