Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
