i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
there is glitter all over my balls
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
