I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
