i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
