i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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