I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
