I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
