atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Randomize
