Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
