..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
