it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
