Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Say something about gay babies.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
