i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
