my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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