need another drink. this is the easiest way
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
