youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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