this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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