need another drink. this is the easiest way
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i wish my penis had a tongue
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
How does one acquire holy water?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
