Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize