I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
