we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
