Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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