I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
