you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
