I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
