Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
