Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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