bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
