watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm at about main and main street
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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