I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
