Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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