Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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