i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
