can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
