just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
