My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
