this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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