I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
