she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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