Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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