you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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