dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
pray to the hookup gods
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize