Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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