I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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