shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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