Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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