I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
