Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
