Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize