Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
