I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
